Rule #7: Know Your Football

This is rule is so important, y’all, especially with football season right around the corner. A lot of women around the country think that knowin’ all about football is a man’s job. Wrong, y’all. As a southern belle, you should be able to have a full blown conversation about football with Vince Dooley himself. Now this doesn’t mean that you have to get as rowdy as Steve Spurrier when you’re arguin’ over your favorite teams; you should always conduct these types of conversations like the lady that your mama raised you to be, but stand your ground like your daddy.

So y’all may be askin’ yourselves what exactly you need to know about football to make yourself a southern belle. Here’s a short list:

  • Know the different positions on offense and defense and what their job is.
  • Know who your team’s players are and what position they play.
  • Know who the coaches are.
  • Know who your college teams’ top recruits are and what teams the recruits are considerin’.
  • ALWAYS tailgate for and watch their games, even if you can’t go. If you’re too much of a rookie to be able to analyze ’em, watch some Sports Center and listen to all the broadcasters to get a better idea of how they played.
  • Know all the cheers! “Gooooooo Dawgs! Sic ’em!” “Goooooooo Blue! One more time!” “I’m a helluva engineer!”
  • And most importantly, know how the game is played, including all the terms that you need to know (i.e. touchdown, punt, sack, etc.)

Here’s a useful site to help y’all get started: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/understanding-footballs-downs-yardage-and-stuff.html

Happy football season, y’all! And Go Dawgs/Jackets/Eagles!

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^^^Story of my life, y’all!^^^

Rule #1: Always Dress Up for Jesus and Gameday

Down here in Georgia, football ain’t just a sport; it’s more like religion. Y’all wouldn’t paint your face or wear a jersey to church, so y’all can’t be doin’ that for football games either. I don’t care if y’all consider Eagle Creek “holy water,” think Mark Richt is the most handsome man alive, or consider the Ramblin’ Wreck a hot rod. If you go to a football game in the south, you put on the dog. Southern football games have a dress code just like your country club does, but it usually goes unspoken. That bein’ said, here’s a quick-like guide to help y’all out when decidin’ what to wear…

If you got a youngin, those pillowcase dresses paired with a hair bow the size of her right arm will have everyone at your tailgate sayin’, “Bless her little heart! She is just precious!” This is also the perfect age for them to get their ears pierced so they can start wearin’ the famous southern jewelry staple: pearls. They’re too young to remember the pain of gettin’ ’em pierced, and you can teach ’em what classy looks like at a young age.

For the youngin’s who are old enough to know what a first down is (aka, 5 to 10 years old), those replica cheerleading uniforms are just to die for. They aren’t real cheerleaders yet, though, so they’re still allowed to wear their pearl earrings.

When y’all get to the age where you start dressin’ yourselves, I’m fixin’ to give you two words that should be the staples of your wardrobe: sundresses + boots. We all know it’s 80+ degrees ten months out of the year down here, so we have to dress appropriately so we’re glistenin’ instead of sweatin’ while we’re cheerin’ for guys down in the gridiron. Our cowboy boots go with everything from our weddin’ dresses to our tight jeans, and of course they go with our sundresses that color-coordinate with our team’s jerseys. And once you’re old enough to start pourin’ other liquid substances in your mason jar besides sweet tea, pearls will become an absolute necessity.

Now for the people who come second only to Jesus: our mamas. Y’all can never go wrong with a seersucker skirt and blouse. If you’re missin’ those sundresses you used to wear, y’all can still wear ’em, but make sure they at least hit your knees. Your keywords here are “smart casual.” Y’all aren’t cast members on Real Housewives of Orange County. We keep it classy and dress our age down in these parts. And even though you’ve reached the epitome of classy by keepin’ your cool every time your youngin’s have tested your patience in public, you still need to sport those pearls.

Like I said in the beginnin’, football is like religion down here, so that means Jesus is at every game. Before you start eatin’ BBQ at your tailgate, thank the Lord for your blessin’s. When your team runs out on the field, ask Jesus to sit on your sideline, not your opponent’s. If anyone gets hurt on the field (it don’t matter if it’s our team or the other team), bow your heads and “bless their hearts.” Y’all remember that every guy that gets hurt is someone’s son, grandson, boyfriend, brother, etc. And whether you win or lose, you thank the Lord for givin’ you the health to yell loud enough for your favorite team. Amen, y’all.