Rule #2: Always Ask for Coke

I know all y’all ladies readin’ this know who Paula Deen is, and you’re probably startin’ to wonder what you’re supposed to be consumin’ as a true southern belle when I haven’t even taught y’all how or what to cook yet. As far as food goes for right now, just go with anything fried or grown in your mama’s garden. We’ll get to all that stuff a little while later.

Y’all are probably thinkin’ that you’re safe with choosin’ any plate from KFC, right? Bless your heart, darlin’. You’re wrong. I’ll tell ya why… It’s ’cause they don’t serve Coke products. Ya see, it’s quite blasphemous to drink any other type of carbonated beverage down here besides a southerner’s favorite drink other than their mama’s sweet tea, which is none other than Coca Cola.

We won’t cover much history in our lessons other than a few topics regardin’ the War Between the States and famous southern football rivalries, but y’all need to know some things about Coke. A pharmacist by the name of Dr. John Pemberton came up with this sweet drink in Atlanta back in the late nineteenth century when the South was gettin’ back on its feet after the War Between the States. About a year later, a gentleman named Asa Candler bought the recipe from Dr. Pemberton and turned Coca Cola into what it is today. And just so ya know, Coke stayed true to its southern roots by keepin’ its headquarters in Atlanta. The South is risin’ again, y’all!

This is why we refer to everything besides tea and wooter as “Coke.” When I’m too rode hard and hung up dry to cook, I go grab somethin’ to eat with my family. Y’all will know you’re in the south when you order a Coke to drink and the precious waitress asks, “What kind, darlin’?” She knows a Coke can also mean Sprite or Diet Coke to a true southern belle. Now Lord forbid you’re at a restaurant and they don’t serve Coke products, so the waitress is gonna say somethin’ along the lines of, “I’m sorry, ma’am, is ______ alright?” If y’all are like me, y’all will be tempted to say, “Ma’am, is monopoly money alight?”, but we have to remember that we keep it classy down in these parts, and we simply respond, “No ma’am, I’ll just have some wooter.”

Needless to say, when y’all are pushin’ your buggies down the Coke aisle (aka, the “soda” aisle) at the Piggly Wiggly, y’all better not be fixin’ to pick up anything besides Coca-Cola products. I swear, y’all will burst into flames.

Alright y’all, it’s hotter than Luke Bryan here in Georgia today, so I’m about to go get me a Coke from the corner store. (And just so y’all know, whenever I say, “Coke,” I always mean Diet Coke.)

Happy sippin’, y’all!


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